Praying

Praying A Reflection from Michelle Vivirito

“Lord, I’m not going to keep praying. You see the obstacles in my path. If you want me in church, then you must help. That's all I’ll say. Amen.”

When I'm alone, as I often am, and watching a funny movie or reading a humorous book, I seldom laugh out loud. Humor is best when it is shared. But this passage from Abraham Verghese’s The Covenant of Water evoked a rueful snicker because it struck close to home. In Catholic high school, I was taught the different types of prayer. I recall at least four types: prayers of worship, intercession, thanksgiving, and petition. There are probably more, probably seven since there seems to be seven of everything. But it’s those prayers of petition that are the problem.

Faith isn’t easy for me. I am one of God’s willful children. I’m seldom very sinful, at least not anymore, but certainly willful. I've been disappointed by prayer. Who hasn’t been? When people say, “God always answers prayers; sometimes the answer is no,” I want to have a tantrum. A willful child wants the answer to be, “Yes, my darling. Of course, my dear.”

​This is why I do not ask for specific outcomes anymore. Instead, I pray for specific people. For their happiness, courage, and comfort but not with words. I close my eyes and conjure up the face of someone I know and love. I linger over the arch of an eyebrow, the smooth or lined forehead, the pout of a mouth. And I hold that image in my head — no, that’s not right — I hold the image in my heart. And I just stay with it as I feel holiness surround me with happiness, courage, and comfort.

​Michelle is a longtime parishioner of Padre Serra
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and a member of our Writers Group.

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